"You're just a freckle away from changing everything"

So, 2012. Not a bad year all things considered. (It would be hard to match the crappy year that was 2009.) I’ll remember 2012 as the year I learned how to play bass and started to try my hand at writing songs on piano - neither of which I ever expected to be doing at all.

My bass playing still isn’t very good, but it’s something to work on for the new year. Songwriting and singing in particular completely took me out of my comfort zone. Being an extremely shy person, singing scares the crap out of me. It took a lot of effort to even work up to singing along softly to cover songs I’d play at piano lessons. I needed a push from people who seemed to think I could sing and write to finally try it out. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully comfortable with singing, but it has gotten easier with practice.

In retrospect, the year was a continuation of the positive things that came out of 2011, like rock camp. Having seen people around me go through changes in 2012, there’s a sense that I’m ready to make a few changes of my own in 2013. I just needed to know that I was capable of trying new things and not be so hesitant to do them.

Ladies Rock Camp 2012, February 24-26

Ladies Rock Camp 2011 happened at the right point in my life without me realizing it. As corny or cheesy as it sounds, going though the whole camp experience last year ended up being one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. My life didn’t dramatically change after camp, but there were subtle, positive changes to it that were a direct result of having gone to camp. When it came time to sign up for this year’s LRC, I did so without any hesitation.

This year was more about fun than anything else. I decided on bass, an instrument I’d never played before, and signed up to learn how to play it with a band. The pre-camp nerves were still there, but it was a different kind of nervousness. While I was psyched to learn bass, the thought of learning a completely foreign instrument over a weekend intimidated me. I probably annoyed any bassist I knew by asking if they had any tips whenever I’d run into one. Unlike last year when I signed up for keys, I didn’t have the piano lessons from my childhood to fall back on.

Bass instruction turned out to be a blast. Being among supportive instructors who were also friends helped calm any nerves as we played along to songs and practiced scales. The main advice I got from bass players was to have fun, and they were right. Realistically, I knew I wouldn’t become some amazing bass player in a day, but by the end I managed to be able to play a steady bass line that sounded halfway decent and had fun playing. I even had fun earning some pretty badass looking blisters on my fingers along the way.

Band practice was equally fun. Our band gelled together quickly and worked hard from the start. Having gone through the process before, there were certain constants I noticed when writing a song under the camp setting -- Because of the time constraints, it was best to keep things simple and listen to the band coaches who are awesome and there to help. There’s also a good chance that you may not be into or even hate the song after the first day, but it will all magically come together the next day.

On the night of the showcase our band ended up being the first out of the nine bands to play. I wasn’t thrilled with having to open the night, but I knew I’d rather get it over with sooner than later and enjoy myself the rest of the night. When it came time to play, I was handed a similar but different bass from the one that was set aside for me the night before. (There were apparently technical difficulties with the one I chose.) I quickly thought “oh fuck,” then went into autopilot mode once the song started. These series of events could’ve induced a panic attack in me, and I was happy that I kept calm mostly and powered through.

If there’s anything I take away from LRC, it’s that the camp experience is about more than music. For some, it might be about being able to step outside their comfort zone and try something completely new. For others, it might simply be about having fun and expanding their comfort zone. The music and supportive setting are just ways to help bring about those changes for the better.

“I just turned 35…”

.

I think it was sometime in the late Spring/Summer that I started joking about throwing a rock show for my birthday.  It seemed silly at first since I had no clue how to set one up and I was never one for throwing parties for myself in the first place.  You only turn 35 once though, so why not do something to celebrate?

The people I wanted to play this theoretical birthday show were obvious choices – Tanya, Chris, and Hilken. Aside from being a huge fan of their music, all three have been there for me many times over as real friends throughout the 15 or so years we’ve known each other.  Still, I was stupidly shy and not sure about asking them about playing some sort of show. (Chris and Hilken hadn’t played together in a long time, and Tanya rarely plays out these days.) Eventually I stopped being stupid and forced myself to ask them. I’d kick myself if I didn’t at least ask, and there wouldn’t have been any hard feelings on my part if any of them had said no.

After I asked, Hilken suggested turning a show at the Haven that she already had lined up around my birthday into a party. Chris and Tanya soon replied that they’d be into playing, and the birthday show was born. I loved that they all replied so quickly when I didn’t think they’d even be into playing a show. Chris rightfully reprimanded me later on for thinking they wouldn’t do it -- I totally deserved that.

Weeks passed until it was finally time for the show. I ended up running late getting to my own party.  (The trek from Somerville to JP on the 39 bus is not an easy one.) A little panic set in after I got a few text messages asking where I was, but it worked out. Once I got there, I remember thinking, “Shit, this is really happening?” when I saw them through the window of the pub.

The music quickly started after a few friends ushered me to the front. I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of songs, but really, the three of them playing mattered more than what they played. Tanya started things off with one of her songs, and they made their way through four songs in all. They even played a Fuzzy favorite that I hadn’t heard in almost 10 years.  

While the set was short, they played four more songs than I would’ve heard if I hadn’t asked. It meant a lot that they were willing to do something like this for me. It seemed fitting to celebrate reaching my mid-thirties with people who played a big part in my adult life so far.

Ladies Rock Camp Boston, Feb 18-20, 2011

I’ve seen so many bands play TT’s and never expected to be in a band playing that very same stage. Then Ladies Rock Camp Boston happened.

When I first heard about Ladies Rock Camp Boston (LRCB), I e-mailed my friend Lisa a link to the LRCB site and told her she should do it since she had a guitar. She was tempted to sign up, but there was a catch involved. She would only sign up if I signed up. After going back and forth about it with Lisa, I caved into the peer pressure. I’ve known Hilken, the LRCB Program Director, since her Fuzzy days in the '90s and ran into her at a show one night. When I asked her if there was still space available, her response went something like, “You’re fucking doing it.” How could I not do it after that?

I chose keys just because I had taken piano lessons while in elementary school. If I was going to embarrass myself in a room full of people, I wanted at least some inking of how to play my instrument. Muscle memory would hopefully kick in once I was back behind the keys. I wasn’t even sure when I last played a keyboard. It sort of became a running joke between me and Lisa that our bandmates would totally hate us due to our combined lack of talent and skill.

Playing ability aside, the bigger hurdle was actually getting used to the idea of being on stage in front of people. It’s so not in my nature to do any type of public performance or speaking. I tend to avoid it as a mostly shy/socially inept person. I brought this up in an e-mail to a musician friend who wrote back, “being shy/socially inept is practically a prerequisite for being in a band.” Somehow knowing I wasn’t alone in this eased some of the pre-camp nerves.

That feeling of not being alone carried over to the camp itself. I saw familiar faces among the volunteers and campers who were both surprised and psyched that I was going through with it. The amount of support was pretty overwhelming at times. Being constantly told “You rock!” or “I’m proud of you!” was enough to boost anyone’s ego and self esteem.

The musical training was just as intense as the support we received. In a cramped basement room, the keyboard muscle memory slowly took over as I goofed around to random songs and went over scales and chords during instrument instruction. My bandmates seemed to also have the same intense training in separate parts of the building. It was incredible to hear how far we all had come along by the end of the weekend. I had my doubts as first, but I was happy with the song we created with the help of our fantastic band coaches.

The showcase itself was a blur. The entire night was a fun, scary, and inspiring experience filled with music and supportive friends. I'm still in awe at how great all the bands were given the time constraints. Any expectations I may have had were exceeded tenfold. In the end, it really didn’t matter if any of us didn’t play perfectly. The performances seem almost secondary to what the campers all experienced that weekend. I was honored to be a part of it and so, so glad that I was able to break out of my comfort zone and go for it.

hmmmmm.

Thinking about it.